I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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