So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
