Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
