Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
