dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
