therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
