You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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