Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
