He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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