your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I yelled at your uterus for you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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