Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
