just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize