Don't you send me to vm
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize