she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
