The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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