Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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