i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The ass gains better be worth it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
