i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
