apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize