Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
