i need an iv and a liver transplant
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize