the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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