and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
