I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
