you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
