This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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