You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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