I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
