How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
