She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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