so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
