i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
