So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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