i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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