The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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