i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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