pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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