Only a mothe r could love this liver
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
