My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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