she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
