If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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