there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
we're so committed to being not committed
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