You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
