Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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