Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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