I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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