My Higher Power is John Stamos
he shaved USA in his pubs
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
