Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize