I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
