Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
