just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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