i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
