I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
