The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
