Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize