Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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