The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dick very happy bro
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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