So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize