Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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