I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
my liver is dry heaving
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
