The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i think my cat just said my name.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
