I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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