can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
