so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
